


protection detail

by ignitesthestars



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark Is Not Helping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6874480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitesthestars/pseuds/ignitesthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony tries to figure up what's going on with Vision in the most tactless way possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	protection detail

“So, uh.” Tony sniffs, smearing a hand over the lower half of his face. One of many non-verbal tics that indicate discomfort on his part. “Do we need to have a talk? The Talk?”

A frisson of emotion works through the Vision. He identifies it as something vaguely reflective of that same discomfort. “We are talking now,” suggests. You don’t live through the inception of your consciousness and independent thought with Tony Stark as one of your creators without being aware of what might constitute _The Talk_.

the Vision considers pointing out that the entire internet exists. He considers pointing out that Tony Stark himself exists, that the AI that formed a part of the being he is today was in a position to be well aware of any particular conversations that might proceed from this point. But the words to do so are abruptly, inexplicably difficult to form.

“Sure, sure.” Tony stares out of the window momentarily, before his eyes slide sidelong to the Vision again. “Puberty’s a bitch, huh?”

“I was formed without the need to go through the same biological process of growth as ordinary humans–”

“Whatever, it’s a metaphor. _Something’s_ up with you, and it’s definitely human. The robot part isn’t about to account for getting distracted by a damsel in distress.”

Another flicker. This one, it seems, is irritation. “Miss Maximoff is hardly a damsel.”

“I dunno, she seems pretty damsel shaped to me.”

Tony is needling him, the Vision realises. For what purpose - currently undefined.

It’s working.

“I believe,” he says slowly, “that I have no need for The Talk. Or, indeed, any conversation at present.”

He begins to walk away, but a sharp bark of laughter severs his resolve. He doesn’t turn to look back at Tony, but he does pause. There is a tension in his shoulders that he is unfamiliar with.

“That’s beautiful. Terrifying, you know, with the implications, but beautiful.”

“I don’t follow.”

“You’ve got a _crush_.”

It is astounding, the Vision thinks, that Tony Stark is still in possession of most of his teeth. He decides to play dumb, in lieu of punching a man he considers a friend in the face.

“I have no desire to crush Miss Maximoff.”

“Don’t play dumb, I helped make you.” the Vision can’t see it, but he can hear the grimace in the other man’s voice. “Pretend I said something that sounded less terrible-dad-like. You get my point. Both of them, I’m pretty sure.”

“We are done here, I believe,” he says, because he does get Tony’s point. Both of them.

Avoiding confrontation cannot lead to the most desirable outcome in this case. But as the most desirable outcome is for Tony to have not broached the topic of discussion at all, the Vision is willing to settle for the next best thing.

“Use protection!” Tony shouts after his retreating back. “Do androids need condoms? I’ll make you some android condoms.”

There have surely been worse offers of support in the history of the world, but the Vision, currently, is unaware of any.


End file.
